Fine, I'm a Runner

A friend of mine recently asked me whether I feel like a grown up. He confessed that he does not. He's in his forties, has a spouse, a career, children. Not things that define "grown up" by any means but certainly the traditional trappings. Yet, as both his parents and his children get older, he feels that he is often play-acting, faking it.

It's not unusual to have a different conception of a label that might be used to describe you. Ask many progressive Jews to describe an authentic Jew and they will describe an ultra-orthodox man. Not themselves, or their family, or even their Rabbi, but someone who lives a different existence but still represents their concept of the label.

In fact, I do feel like a grownup (and have the gray hairs to prove it). It's not a label I have a very hard time with. However - I don't feel like a runner. Truly, if you asked, I would tell you I'm not a runner. 

Here are the facts: I run between 3 and 5 times a week. I own running shoes, and clothes, and hats, and socks, and headbands, and one ridiculous visor. I buy energy gels - a kind of weird processed sugar to fuel long runs. Oh yeah, I now have "long runs" because I am ... training for a half marathon (eek). I have used the word split in a sentence that didn't include bananas. 

 

And yet, I don't think of myself as a runner. Runners are things I am not. They are lean; I'm curvy. They've been running their whole lives; I've been doing it for a year or so. They were athletic kids; I had my head in a book. I have an image of a runner in my head, and it isn't me. 

That's what I think is going on with my friend. He has an image of a grown up, and it isn't him. Like many Gen X'ers (including me), he is uncomfortable with labels to begin with.  And, also like many Gen X'ers, his life looks different from the generation before him. He has more balance, probably. He generally loves his career. He's ambitious, but not to the point of interfering with the value he places on his family and his personal sanity. His parents are aging, but they aren't settling down and acting like old people. His children are growing up, and he's facing the realization that our children are not us (that's another blog). 

The truth? He's a grown up. I'm a runner. Labels can define us, or we can define them. If the box doesn't feel big enough, or the right shape, we can embrace the label and change the box. We have done that in this country with "family". I am hopeful we are about to do that with "marriage". Who says that being a "grown up" means you hate your job? That being a "senior citizen" means that you have to move to a retirement community? That being a "runner" means that you have to be fast?  There are times in life we have to create new labels, but there are also times we can change what the labels mean.

This week is Passover, a time when Jews move beyond narrow places to freedom. This strikes me as a time to embrace some of the labels and move on. I'm going to try to release myself from the narrowness of my self-imposed concepts.  So next time you see me, on-line or in the real world, ask if I'm a runner. And I'll try to say yes.